Crucial Conversations

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place” Bernard Shaw

Crucial conversations are the ones where (a) stakes are high (b) opinions are opposite (c) emotions run high. Unless they are handled well, they do not create the desired outcome and leave both the parties unsettled, defensive, or offended. The need for crucial conversations happens because (a) people avoid holding necessary dialogue up front (b) people try to discuss  but handle things poorly. 

“Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so” - William Shakespeare

STEPS 

1. Share your facts : Start with least controversial, most persuasive elements from your path to action
2. Tell your story : Explain what you are thinking and feeling
3. Talk tentatively : State your story as a story – don’t disguise it as a fact or come on too strong  
4.  Ask for their facts and stories  : Encourage others to share both their facts and stories 
5. Encourage testing : Make it safe for others to express differing or even opposing views

DO NOT TELL ANY OF THESE STORIES TO JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

1.      Victim Stories (It’s Not My Fault) ”What is my role in the problem?

2.      Villain Stories ( It’s all your fault) “Why would a rational & decent person do this?

3.      Helpless Stories ( There’s Nothing Else I Can Do) What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."