“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it
has taken place” Bernard Shaw
Crucial conversations are the ones where (a) stakes are high (b) opinions are opposite (c) emotions run high. Unless they are handled well, they do not create the desired
outcome and leave both the parties unsettled, defensive, or
offended. The need for crucial conversations happens because (a) people avoid holding necessary dialogue up front (b) people try to discuss but handle things poorly.
“Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so” - William
Shakespeare
STEPS
- Share your facts : Start with least controversial, most persuasive elements from your path to action
- Tell your story : Explain what you are thinking and feeling
- Talk tentatively : State your story as a story – don’t disguise it as a fact or come on too strong
- Ask for their facts and stories : Encourage others to share both their facts and stories
- Encourage testing : Make it safe for others to express differing or even opposing views
DO NOT TELL ANY OF THESE STORIES TO JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
1. Victim
Stories (It’s Not My Fault) ”What is my role in the problem?
2. Villain
Stories ( It’s all your fault) “Why would a rational & decent person do this?
3. Helpless
Stories ( There’s Nothing Else I Can Do) What should I do right now to move
toward what I really want?
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the
bricks others have thrown at him."
